My first post on my blog was called Farming and Philosophy. I wrote it back in July, almost 6 months ago and I have finally got around to finishing working on my values.
I had a draft copy put away in a draw and the blog about sinning or if you prefer wrong living or pleasure focused living, prompted me to go back to the drawing board. I decided I was going to commit to change but I didn’t quite know what I was committing to?
These are my original workings/notes. I went through a list of values and principles and wrote down what stood out to me.
Today I have reworked those values to really focus on what I am prepared to struggle for.
Strangely after writing the blog on imperfection I downloaded this book
For the first time in a long time the parts of the jigsaw are beginning to fit together and I feel I am getting nearer to being on the right track without changing anything externally at all. This isn’t about positive thinking affirmations or being jolly when I am not, it is about acceptance and commitment to things that have meaning to me, ideas that have come through in my work on my values.
I took myself off Instagram to refocus and I have used the time resting, reading and writing.
These blogs aren’t for everyone they veer away from farm-life and baking into reworking my life.
Currently this is what is important to me. I want to be a better person. That better person isn’t necessarily going to open a cat rescue home or start volunteering. But it does mean being as true to myself as I can be, by being honest with myself and others. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t want to be worshipped or followed as if I do. I just would like to share what I am doing openly and would gladly answer any questions if people are also about to embark on a quest of self change.
Mark Manson coincidentally mentions ‘not being perfect’ and that living for pleasure alone or pursuit of happiness is not being healthy either and it isn’t meaningful in the long term. He also recommends contemplating our own death, an important concept in Buddhist teaching which I have heard and practised before. He also recommends living by your values your inner moral code.
Since writing the blog ‘I am not perfect’ I have chosen to focus on and research about chastity in marriage. I selected this virtue as it was top of the list of virtues, for no other reason. I began by looking at what that actually means in a marriage and how I can begin to foster that in my own marriage.
I am beginning to see what this means after a day of thinking about it and I intend to spend how ever long it takes working on this aspect.
I have already committed to Keith in marriage but does that actually mean I commit enough time and energy into our marriage? The answer is no, I put a lot of time and effort into talking to Keith and regularly it’s about me and my problems and he listens. He listens and responds, I don’t always like what he says either and I like it even less if he says nothing at all.
Keith has struggled this Christmas the loss of his dad seems to have snowballed to want for a better phrase (it actually did snow today) and he needs me to support him by being ok, because he can’t support me right now on top of everything else.
I intend to use my values to support myself through this journey and Keith, and I feel I have a strong wish to do this.
These next photographs are the details of my values and the links made between them. Central to them all is commitment, this is the word I think will bring change for the better when trying hasn’t been enough.
One thing I have been aware of lately is that I want to swear less I don’t want to live by habits. There are so many beautiful interesting words in the English language, ones which ignite our imagination and make us feel better for using them. Also there are times when no words are needed when I should listen and let the answers come instead of moaning or ranting or being so quick to respond and say anything to fill the gaps.
I know it would be easier to carry on the way I have been but I take with me to bed tonight the words from Mark Manson’s book ‘What are you prepared to struggle for?’ Meaning what is of most importance in my life? When have I felt the greatest achievement and felt no guilt or shame only joy at what I had achieved. And the hardest things are the things that give you that kind of pleasure not the things that provide a quick fix.
Knowing your personal values changes your behaviour. And in turn I hope, brings peace of mind.